Till then i will just introduce her to you all as my heavenly Angel!! :¤)
Friday, August 3, 2012
An angel who changed my life and i feel Rejuvenated!!
I don't know what to say or how to start with. Because it may be the first time after i have even created this blog that i am posting something which is totally different from my previous posts and even then, this one is going to be very important and precious for me. Because i am gonna share information about an important step in my life, a very beautiful change which has blessed me with days of happiness after it has come. .
There is saying that memories can be sometimes too strong that we used to live in it forgetting the reality itself, caring least about what is happening around. The interesting part is that we are so much in to it and we used to create a virtual world itself around us. The characters played in the virtual world resemble the feelings we have for them and we imagine like we are spending a life with them now also, even though in reality they are far separated from us long back and may have even started a new life itself. In few cases chances are there that, they may be least bothered of these memories too since they would have got adapted to the present situation of life in which they are going through. They cant be blamed since life is too hard sometimes that people are forced to change even if they don't wish to. But still there are few souls who cant accept this fact and keep on thinking of the past incidents itself and used to spend days filled with sadness because of it. I myself, stand as the best example of the situation i have described and my blog too can be considered as the best proof for the same.
Its been almost five years since i had a breakup with my ex-lover after a love life of seven years together and it was just about two years earlier only that she got married to some other person and have got adjusted with the new phase of life. But since i couldn't accepted it like that though it was me only who initiated the breakup for her good life, my life had become so tough after that gifting me sleepless nights which got packed with painful memories and usually end up crying hard and even hurting myself. It was that portion of my life which is not fully exposed to the people i meet in my day to day life. Only very few friends of mine who are so close to me and are aware of these. They had tried a lot in time to help me to get out of the situation, but i always wished to be left alone with my memories , because i was feeling so good being it that way and i was finding pleasure in it. The only wish i had always in my mind is that years later when my ex-love will discover the reason for leaving her behind was for her well being only, to save her from the difficult situation she was facing that time for her family; And so all i need would be her small token of forgiveness at that time for what i have done and it will be more than enough for me, which will help me to leave this world so peacefully. But things turned upside down when my close friends met her without my knowledge hoping to sort things out and with a shock they realized that she had completely changed and refused to believe anything about the real reason of all these happenings and she even tried to convey them back that i am not a person who can be trusted anymore and so never rely on me. When i came to know about it later i was so completely broken down that i really felt like my life has became totally meaningless even after bearing all the sufferings i had gone through all these years.
Every person whom i later met in my life, who happen to know about what i have been been going through all these years were too much moved by the happenings that they feel so sorry for it and few of them even wished to be my partner hoping to share my sadness and be my support. But with due respect and love for them, i refused all their proposals since i had already made up my mind that i can never fall in love again. I had always felt like there is no love left inside me to give to a person who will become my life partner and so i don't wanna make them suffer too because of the way i am now. In time i had got welcomed by health issues too which personally i had prayed to god since i had lost interest in my life and i was just wishing to get an exit from it in a very smooth way but not too early since i had to take care of parents for a while. The disease thus gifted, RA have been slowly affecting my life and not any kinda treatments, regardless of allopathy, homeo or ayurveda are helping me to get cured out completely from it. May be because me too was not personally wishing for a cure since i wanna remain just like that. I was actually punishing my life itself with more and more pain since i always carry a guilt feeling inside that i have caused so many pains to my dear ones; to my ex-love by leaving her, to my parents whose dreams i have broken by not achieving a career they wish me to be and so on. In few words i was just letting my life skip away from my hands and i was wandering ahead with no specific goal or direction. But every day i woke up with a wish that i will make at-least 5 people happy today with my witty behavior by cracking jokes or by being a comedian itself by making fun of myself. Due to this nature of mine i have acquired a lot of friends and they are always happy to have me with them regardless of the situation since i used to provide them my best company or any tech support also if they are in need, since i am in to these computer stuff a lot. No matter it was a mode of utilization or real friendship i just didn't care and i became close with all of them.
Its interesting that due to my open nature and funny talk i have got lots of girl friends, may be they would have felt like i care to listen to their problems more than others. The real reason is that i am always bold from inside that i will never fall in love again with any girl and so i behave closely with all girl friends just like i used to do with boys too. Anyway because of that it has also gifted me a name in time that i am always in to girls company which i least cared, since i always believe that its not always possible to satisfy everyone, in-fact there is no need too. Live like you wish and let me be also, that's what i always wish to follow. Never wonder because of this stubborn decision i managed to create few enemies too, but for me it was not a very big deal since i never used to carry hatred inside me thinking of persons i don't like. Once anyone back stab me, i just forget them and keep moving ahead in my life. May be since i don't have any commitments nor any rule to follow in my life that i always felt so strong from inside to face any situation. The pain i had to bear all my life was enough to gift me such a boldness though one thing was still missing inside me . . . .the love for my life!
Its true that god works wonders, he can create any change in any persons life even without his notice or even with out receiving prayers from that person! The living example for what i just told above is my present life itself. The very life of mine which was going through a serious of pains and happenings with no specific direction suddenly got a reply from god in the form of an angel itself. I am not talking about an angel who came in my dream, but about the angel who is a part of my life itself now and made it beautiful and meaningful. You may feel like i am bit exaggerating by calling a person as angel itself, but the truth is that i feel even the word angel is little for her since the change she have brought in to my life by packing my everyday with happiness and joy, which used to make me feel her like a portion of god itself. Because ever since my birth i have only believed that its god only who have the power to gift happiness and unconditional love to a person regardless of time, which for me is this angel now. Its like when our life changes so beautifully that it fills each and every day with happiness, we feel like thanking god every second of our life for his grace on us. Because this precious gift from god is the best thing that has happened in my life.
Its pretty lovely that we both still don't know at what moment of time we had fallen in love or it was whom who actually proposed first. May be we had our love inside us for a long time ever since we meet and as days passed on we became more closer. The beauty of the whole thing is that she accepted me with all what i am now; being aware of how much deeply i was in love with my ex-lover, my current low job status, the group of girl friends i had been keeping friendship and even my degrading health condition. Even then for making things more clear i always tried to make her completely aware of what all things have gone through my life, good and bad things, but to my surprise it has only made her love me more than ever and it was that moment which i felt so gifted. The moment you realize that a person is loving you more than ever and is filling you with plenty of unconditional love and care. .the moment i felt like calling her as an Angel itself who have been sent by god to bless my life.
My friends are very much happy when i informed them about the new happening in my life and everyone is indeed appreciating about my decision and also told me to take care of this love and make life more beautiful. Because most of my close friends have seen the hardships i have been going through after my first love breakup and they were indeed forcing me since a long time itself to forget the past and move on by getting in to a relation. All that time i have been skipping their questions and openly telling that i don't wanna have a normal life again. But now i realize that, god has made me waited for this much long time so that he can actually test me before handing over a very precious gift to me as my own. . my Angel!!
The changeover of my life from everyday sadness to the peak of world in happiness is really so huge that i feel so much lucky and keep on thanking god again and again. Joys got multiplied when i informed about her to my mom and she felt so much happy about my decision. She felt indeed so much relieved also that i am blessed with a girl who really understands me completely. They both had talk for few times and i had felt like my mom has already accepted her as my fiance. My angel is gonna visit my home soon in few days, since my mom would like to see her future daughter in law. Then about our marriage it will commence in an year or two since we both have lots of things to settle regarding career, family and all. We are also eagerly waiting for that beautiful day when she will become my very own. .
Till then i will just introduce her to you all as my heavenly Angel!! :¤)