Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Yes - Im Totally Blank
Not everyday is the same and energetic though we wished to and for me also its not different. Some days are like totally blank. . . . a state of vacuum. . . . empty thoughts and absence of any feelings for anyone. . being uninterrupted i may be unaware of how i got in to that state of mind or how many hours or days i have been filled with . Its like i lost myself inside. Its easy to tell that we can get rid of this situation through many ways, but the truth is that we don't wish it to end. . . coz what bothers and troubles are not unwanted things, but the very own thoughts and memories of our dear ones who were once our everything in our life. . . .
Its true that memories are sweet only when the people whom we love are with us and its really painful when they no longer belong to us. There are moments when we truly wish that how cool it would it have been if life has a rewind button so that we can go back to past and make everything alright. But some incidents and happenings are meant to be in the way only in which they have happened now. With due respect we should understand it and keep going like i am trying to do now. . . .though i realize that i feel like falling in time. . . .
I am really wondering whether i have loved my baby, my lost love this much when we were actually in love years before. Coz i am really missing each and every portion of those sweet moments we had when we were together. Though my senses used to tell that it all belongs to past and i have to keep going forgetting everything, my inner mind says don't believe that. .you are just inside a dream. .your world have not been shattered. . . . its just a bad dream and when you wake up everything is going to be normal and you are going to be back with your sweet baby. . . .and the fact is that i wish to believe it in that way only though i know its never gonna happen. . . .
Today my life is proceeding in an unknown direction with no specific destination or goal and i least bother about it also. The idea of falling in love once again or even get married like my family members insist also is not getting inside my head. Though i have a lot of girl friends now i have not felt any one special to be called as my own or even a slight interest to fall in love with any of them. . . .its like when my love life got broke up, i have also forget how to love. . . . with a bunch of buddies near and far i am now experiencing an irony situation of being alone even in their presence coz i cant open my heart fully to any of them. . . .all they know about me and believe is that i am a jovial person full of passion, freaking out and enjoying life to its extent while i am really craving for my true love inside. . . .
Yes to say true besides the confused thoughts i carry all the time without sharing it with anyone, i'm totally blank!!!