I hide my tears in my smile. . . :~)

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Life would be have been so cool if everything happens just in the way we wish. But natures rule is never like that and not a single person have any idea of whats in-stored for  him in future though he is trying hard to fulfill his dreams. I am no super human and all these applies to me also, the only difference is that i have gone through even more weird situations where the destiny have turned myself down twice. . .

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Life is pretty hard to live if we have already forgotten how to make it through, since you have lost the love for living it. Its like living in a world, where even minute things matters to others a lot, we will be hardly noticing how our life itself is skipping away from our hands. And the weirdest part of it is that, people who hardly know about what we are going through will simply pass on advises and comments in a humiliating manner too sometimes that we don't even wish to talk with them again. I never carry hatred for any person who have hurted in my life, instead i will simply forget them in such a way that they will slowly fade even from my memories. Its actually a bless in having a memory loss in situations like this that, we don't have to try hard for that also. But certain things which we have valued more than our life itself will stay in our memories regardless of time and its like it would have become a part of our virtual world itself. . . the most painful ones.

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A smile which is so naturally and has to happen from inside is what i have been missing these days and still i am managing myself to push through the pace of life though occasionally i feel a lot more down. Its like falling from the cliff of a mountain and there is nothing to support us and nevertheless i wish for it too. The lost of love for my life have made me in to something  or a different person itself which i hardly understand these days. Its not a new thing for me since i have been going through such a scenario for past few years that, living a fake life is not a big thing for me. But when life itself starts playing with our emotions by magically bringing so many persons close to us, make us feel rich with their love and suddenly make them disappear from our life one day, its makes us feel like our destiny is already written and things like this happens repeatedly only to remind us that we have to accept all these pains. . .

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It may seems like my arrogant nature or firm decision that i never wish to bring anyone down with my way of approach by sharing my situation of life, but instead i wish to make everyone happy and its the least thing i can do. Ever since my school days and then in to college days i have been known among my buddies as the person who is able to change the entire scene in to a laughter by my usual witty nature of talk. Things didn't change when i start working also after my studies and all these time, i have been so keen to be like the same though the situations in my life changed a lot. Its more or like i am able to hide myself inside with my way of talking and it helped me a lot from the numerous questions which i would otherwise have to answer in time. It has more or less have become a routine itself that i started feeling good about doing things this way.

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It may be so surprising for those who knows least about me that behind all those witty way of talk and gestures which i made in time in teasing and pulling others leg for fun and all, there is a painful part of my heart, an unseen portion which is ardently wishing to hide itself from everyone so that no one notices its tears. This heart which have lost everything in its way of life and have only one thing to keep it alive. . by spreading smiles and laughter's and making himself assure that so many people are feeling happy by doing so. In this big world outside filled with hatred and broken promises and unexpected happenings, a lot may be finding so lonely and seeking a small portion of happiness, feeling so down of the current life they may be going through, i will be there to make them smile, to forget their tension atleast for the time being, be one among them, make them laugh and feel like they are not alone in this world and tell them that the world is not that much bad as they have seen it. . .

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May be that's why god have blessed me with that kinda dual persona in making me completely two different persons and isolating one from the other such that my sadness will never overshadow the people who trust me, who love me, who wants to be in touch with me and my only purpose is to make them feel rich with my love and care and make them happy and smile no matter where they belong, where they are from or how long will they stays in my life. But one thing is sure, i will never make them sad because of me, but instead i will tease them, poke them, make them smile, like their buddy, like a big brother and sometimes like a mischievous kid. . . Coz that's what i am made for, that's what my purpose is here. . .and that's the only thing i love to do now. For how long i don't know, but its helping me a lot in moving on with my life . And hence giving birth to the ultra crazy nature of mine through a totally different mask!!

i myself, Nocturnal Idiot  signing off to spread more crazy smiles. . . :~)