Breathing memories every moment. . . .

I would be faking if I say that I am ok, I am happy etc, but what's more confusing is that I cant recognize whether I am in pain or unhappy. I am in a state of mind driven by thoughts and memories that I can hardly distinguish between virtual world and reality.

 

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As the very first letter of your name gives me a startle from within even now, there is nothing more left to explain how much I'm adoring you even now from inside though I'm not explicitly showing it. It may be my strong feeling or decision which have paved me to build a state of mind like this knowingly or unknowingly.

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Your name carved on my hand  reminds me every  moment, the purity of love we shared those days and how much our life were meant for each other. A mere touch over it gives me a startle feeling inside now also, as if I am touching you itself.

It will be there, now and forever not for being showcased, but as a sweet memento of a wonderful time, a beautiful feeling to make me assure the presence of divine love in my life. . . those days when I felt that I am  actually alive. . . .

Losing the love for life. . . .

                                   

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The very thought strikes like a hard blow on head, but nevertheless it can be stated in any other way as every second of my life turns out to be a reminder of the same. May be everything is just an illusion and all I need is to wake-up and realize that everything was just a nightmare. . . But deep inside I know its not.

  

Is it true that a single life is not enough to experience everything in this world? I think it differs with perspective and we can hardly get an answer. Because it has to be considered that experiencing and understanding are two different sides of the same coin and the latter consumes a significant portion of our life to achieve. And while doing so the end result is still far from acceptable.

   

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Every time I have been puzzled at the very question that, what I have been doing in my entire life?
Am I doing something for myself or for others?
Am I really happy in time or just making myself believe that I'm so.
That's were the acceptance of life matters. We people keep on doing things for others most of the time just for a mere impression and literally fails every time to hear what our mind have to convey. 

If I have listened to that earlier, I wouldn't have dragged my life this much far. . . .

When you are Lost. . . .

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"People changes with time" , it's a saying we hear often and few people would have even seen that personally in their life. It's more like a usual thing happening in different stages of life and people are least bothered about it these days. But there are few people who failed to escape from the shackles of different incidents in their life and gets trapped in their memories forever. . a very handful of people. . .  Like me.

Life is supposed to be a mixture of both happiness and sorrows and it's only the lucky few who gets the blessing to stay happy forever. Others taste the bitter experience and still manage to move on either by cursing the fate or by just hoping that everything will be alright soon. It's been years since i have lost the most precious treasure in my life and I still can't figure out that, am I walking away from it for a new life now or moving more and more deeper inside and getting lost in memories. . .

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I too had dreams, may be more bigger than what my little heart can hold on that time and i still didn't let it go. It's said like when come to love, people becomes more childish and their world gets shrunk to their little dream world in which only two of them will be there; the cute little world full of love, where the only thing it matters is their beautiful relation. And one day when the truth hits a hard blow that, their world cease to exist, they fail to accept the reality and try to cling on to their belief that its all just a dream & when you wake up, everything will be alright. . . 

I am tired of hearing the word "Move on" from everyone who knows me, who cares me, But least they understand that finally when i tried doing just like they all wanted, after all these years, i terribly lost the pace & i felt like i am some other person.

Pic Source : Google

I realize that i am getting lost in memories, 

i am realizing that i am living more in past than in my present,

i am realizing that i am getting lost in myself for a life which now exist only in my dream,

But still i feel more secure in being myself left alone in my world than becoming someone i hardly know. . . 

May be i am Lost. . .