Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The truth that i am no longer needed by anyone, kills me every moment....

Living in this world according to their own wish is what people dream everyday and to be precise, in every moment of their life. Yes, building a life beyond what we dream and for reaching there, every person tries hard and strive well against all the obstacles we face in the way. The obstacles can take the form of inadequate money, challenging situations and a lot. And its true that after facing all the difficulties, only a few manage to reach their goals; others literally fail, some lost hope, some fall behind and there lies among those who had fallen to the ground helpless, my name too, the very person who carried an entire world itself inside once....


The law of either to win or lose is a rule in every game, but when come to the case of life, the situation of falling back is so worse and sometimes unimaginable how deeper may be the impact it can give to our mind after that. We never know how much its gonna take us unless we really experience it. Yes, the past years of my life or my life as a whole itself had made me realize where i am standing now....
what i have gain till now....
Yes, nothing. Nothing at all. I gained only a couple of hatred from people who once was related to me as very dear ones and now became no longer ones and became part of the unknown crowd around me....and for them i dont care much since i believe they will be only happy without me.

What matters more is the things i have lost during all these years.
 I have lost my love itself which i consider more than my life now also. My friends used to scold me now also for not forgetting all these past things, which i definitely cant and they too know it very well and feels very sad for me. How can one forget a person who is his soul itself. But since all these sadness lives inside me and i cry alone at night, no ones seems to notice and while being with others i am like any other happy person, pasting a smile in my face, being myself a comedian too in time and bringing smile in their faces....i am happy that i am useful in doing atleast that....in spreading happiness around me.

But there are some situations which i find hard to manage and i feel so helpless . Because in the pace of life i failed to complete my studies and so couldn't build a stable career  which more than me, my parents were so expecting. And so i managed to get a small job only with a low pay-scale....My failure in their desired path have caused a lot of sadness in their heart though they didnt express it to me directly. But every occasion in which i attend with my parents, the news which flows from all sides of their colleagues  son being employed in big companies, getting promoted, going abroad, going to have marriage in few months and all makes them feel so low that they even hesitate to answer when someone asks about me to them. Not having the strength to see their faces down and unable to answer, i tried to avoid  attending almost all functions from then. But such situations repeat when some person visit our home too and it will be followed by my parents suggesting me to shift career and make a more better living in time . And every time when such a conversation gets discussed, i cry deep inside my heart that i realize a thousand times that i have failed in fulfilling their wishes....and i feel so down....a feeling generates like i am really unfit for being their son....a person who had broken their dreams....


Yes, i failed in my life so badly....
i dont even have an identity of my own....
The truth is that no one actually needs me now....
I am only causing disturbance or being a trouble for those who are with me now....
Coz i literally failed in achieving anything in life which i can call as my own....
Never wonder my parents too feel sad coz of me since i didnt became what i was meant to....

Its killing me....the very truth.... that no one actually needs my existence....

1 comment:

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