Another New Year went without getting noticed

Its said like celebrations used to bring happiness and prosperity along with it and bless you with immense joy; but for me it didnt present anything in particular and may be ie why even the New Year eve went like any other day. May be its because of my own mistake that i didnt take any effort to get involved or participate in the celebrations or is it because i am really least interested in doing so? What ever it may be, but i made myself sure that, none of my companions or buddies notice this sick behavior of me coz i truly wish not to become a reason to spoil their happiness because of me.

       Achieving happiness in life is what everyone dreaming off and sweet occasions really promise to give it a lot though the way of achieving it differs from person to person. And just for contributing my part and spread the message of New Year, i designed a  new year card and shared with my online buddies in facebook and orkut since social networking friends are the only people now, i keep in touch with. I understand that Social networking is a virtual world, but i am sticking to it for the time being since i am left with no other option.

Even then to an extent my this New Year is different from the previous ones coz it is the first time that i directly called a lot of my friends, students, relatives etc by phone for wishing them directly instead of putting a message. I dont know why i did like that, but i am sure that it made them too feel happy.

But being true to the core of my mind, i am mentally and physically broken down in this New Year and i wished like, it to be the last of this kind in my life. Emotionally broken down because of the losses i had in previous years while physically broken down because of the disease i am carrying on. . . .

Even then i dont blame anyone since the situation i am in now is what i have wished for always. . . . for the benefit of everyone. . . .