Everything i see....everything i feel....everything i wish to share....may be the times like, there is no one to listen to me....still i keep on talking....like i am talking to you....like i am talking to myself....forever....yes, this is what really Renju is. . .this is how i feel . . . .
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The rhythm of my heart. . . .
Have you ever done something so simple and yet you feel like you are too much absorbed in it all the time while doing so? If yes, i am sure that you would have felt so much great after that and would be surprised, how come you miss such a beautiful feeling all these years. Because today, i also became a part of such a moment; too unexpected which made me really excited and filled my heart with joy for a long time. . . .
As the power failure has became a routine since past few days, i used to pack that half an hour by having dinner and so when the power is back, i can rejoin my social networking world sharing everyday fun with my buddies. Though i can access my buddies via phone to interact with them in Facebook or send sms, i have reduced that habit since typing has become a little more tedious process for me bcoz of my RA and so i depend on my PC keyboard for doing all these stuff via Bluetooth. So i just started considering that half an hour as an interval from all the stuff i am doing. My mom is also happy about this, since i will have food in right time and also right place, because usually i used to have food from my bedroom only, sitting in front of the PC, either watching a movie or interacting with my buddies via Social networking. These kinda things brings surprise to my new buddies, but for those who are in touch with me for a long time, knows very well how much crazy i am and my PC addiction!! :)
Today when the power went off at 9:30pm, may be it's because my mom was involved in a serious discussion with my dad that, she really forgot to call me for dinner. Since i don't wish to interrupt their conversation, i thought of lying in my bed for a while and plan to call her later. Since i was a bit tired than normal today bcoz of my degrading health condition, i lied in the bed facing my head down. It was a bit difficult for the first few seconds since i could hardly take my breath inside and i could also feel the gush of air intake and exhale. Without knowing a specific reason for lying in that manner i continue to do so, out of curiosity as i felt the breathing pattern too interesting. Truly saying i used to do like this when i was so young, studying in school and i was fond of making sounds by lying in this manner. The only reason is that each sound i make in that way is too sensitive to ears and i could really feel the thump effect of my voice!! What more is needed for a 10 year old child to feel excited and do it again and again? But that was 18 years before and it has no significance to my current life. . Bcoz of a fact which i hardly believe now also, that i have grown up.
By lying in the same posture for a few minutes, It was when i started noticing that i can really feel the beat of my heart. The more i started listening to it the more i got excited. It even made me feel like its following some pattern than normal. What could that actually be? It was definitely not similar to some collective beats as we see in some music videos. But indeed it has a flow far different from all that. . a flow which had silence for few seconds. .then a continuous overflow for few seconds and it was interesting that it was not following a regular pattern! It would have become a matter of fear and confusion for me, But i find it interesting and closely started observing its nature. I started picturising the beats as too personal and it is actually speaking to me. . felt like it's answering my questions. . felt like it is desperately waiting to do this since a long time. . and i could sense the beat just like a person's way of talking. . following a low tone and high tone approach. . Never did i even imagined the fact that the thing called heart can make you feel puzzled like this. .
I may be crazy thinking all this way, doing stuff which will make others feel like i am experiencing some kinda problem. . . .a kinda psychic. . . .but i really care least for that since what i experienced, though for a short time is a wonderful world!! An experience which made me feel heaven and surprised me by making me realize a fact that i have a true companion within me, who is so desperately in need of my company. . . . I can hardly distinguish this from dream or reality, bcoz when i got up from my bed i could feel my heart is pounding with joy. . a unique experience which cant be described in words. . .making me smile all the time. . . .while i could still hear the faint voice of my mom calling me for having dinner. . . .