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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Life is sometimes just the days of countdown to death

                 
Pic Source: Google
In a beautiful world filled with lots of unique identities and supernatural things, it would be taken as uncommon if i say that there is nothing worth to live here anymore. But the fact is that if a person have spent his entire lifetime devoted to a particular person through a magical feeling called love, then if at anytime a situation comes like his soul-mate is not gonna be with him anymore, then for that person the so called beautiful world and supernatural things matters nothing; because their entire world have been shut down from his life making him blind forever. Such people have no world to explore but have miles and miles of thoughts to explore from within.



       
Pic Source: Google
 Solitude is a beautiful feeling to cherish, if one attains to gain control over it through years of silent practice as their every step of life is associated with it making it a perfect mold in time. Its more like composing a music which our heart wishes to play in every heartbeat and the perfect sync is achieved in time making the life more smoother. But time brings changes in everything and certainly life too and there comes moments when music will play off the beat and yet we will feel like our life is flying high. Emotions and feelings play a wonderful bonding with heart during this period making the people so close that they cant literally separate themselves. But at the same time relationship would have gone sensitive to that much level that even a slight misunderstanding will result in a catastrophe. Its that moment when the sweetness delivered by a relation is shadowed by the challenging situations itself to maintain the relation because of repeated misunderstanding and small fights.


Pic Source: Google
Whats more important to be taken in to account is that to whatever situation this fights may proceed in time, we should never ever involve a third person in to this scenario even for a compromise. Because it will only increase more timely issues to arise even as ego clashes which will kill the relation so brutally. Then wondering how this situation will be overcome? Purely by dedication to their love for themselves inside heart which exist deep rooted inside making a perfect magnetic bond keeping them close. But sadly time have the power to bring changes in that too and and a perfect comeback of a relation at state depends on luck too sometimes.



Pic Source : Google
So all i wish to say is that, Life is something which we should learn to accept and believe that changes can happens at anytime making the entire flow turbulent and sometimes may even push to situations like there is no hope ahead. Lets accept the fact and move on and make the gifted life of god more meaningful and appreciable. No one will love to remember sad moments, but happy moments can make even a sad person feel different and gift him at-least one minute of pleasure. With a positive hope keep on going and  as everyday we pass on we are just getting one day more close to death. . .




Yes, the count down of death have began the moment you are born, so just make yourself feel worthy of every single day you live. . .

feelings conveyed by,
A soul dead a decade before. . . .

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Am i mistaken for my smile also now?


Pic Source : Google
Problems in life have not been a new thing for me and like everyone me also have to undergo a series of it, all these years. The only thing is that i was not able to manage it with a strong heart since i used to get broken down even with a slightest push. The strongest decisions and visions of my life remained just in words and when comes to relations i used to fall deep down so miserably and i have been always hungry like a small baby itself craving for unconditional love.




I know that in a practical world like today, a person like me is literally a dumb if i start thinking like this and really have no space to live among others. Still i manage to survive here with a vague wish that i will be able to find a world around me in the way i wish, with only the people i care and love. The fact is that, it remained as a virtual world itself inside me, which was never gonna practical and the only way to get it done is by changing my life itself, in other words faking it out.


Pic Source : Google
Faking an entire life itself, was not an easy thing since in time i have been loosing myself in the process of becoming the person what i am not really. But it was also interesting that the goal of that fake life was so simple. Just to forget all the tensions and spread happiness and smile. As a nonstop talker, things was so easy for me since i don't even find hiccup in starting conversation with even a total stranger. The new way of life gave me an interesting label and more like an award itself among the people i interact as the most entertaining person itself. To say frankly i have fallen in love with my fake life a lot that i have started living through it the entire day. The sadness and confused thoughts which used to live within me got concealed in myself and never did i allow anyone to open it. Yeah, i started finding happiness in making others smile and smiling at myself too. I was just trying to make this short lived feeling get stretched in to my entire life itself so that i can carry on like this forever. Truly i was following my heart more than what my brain was telling that time. 

Pic Source : Google

But least did i even imagine in my dreams that i will be pushed aside even by the people who knows me very well because of the change happened in my life that they will take it for granted that my life is ultra cool and i have even forgot thinking about them or their life. My craziness behavior have left them thinking that i have even stopped bothering about the problems they were going through their life. Least they try to understand the fact that under this funny mask, i am carrying a bundle of sadness which i have decided in prior that i will never ever share it with anyone other than myself. Good or bad i was ready to be the reason for what i become in time.




Pic Source : Google
I am now standing devastated in the middle of this big world as a big clown who is ought to smile only because i have enjoyed doing it regardless of time and now there is no going back to since there is no life there too. Also i am so tired of sharing whats really going inside my mind since it will help to increase pain only and also make others too sad which i certainly don't wish to do. I have stopped thinking about whats real and virtual now and all i wish is to live each and everyday with a feeling to carry on myself. .

 
Me only


You may call me looser, but now i am in a state that i cant differentiate whats winning from loosing. But i love what i am doing now by creating a virtual world around me. I have been true to myself all the time while writing this blog. Because now this is the only place where i am seeing myself at-least for a while. . .And back in the life out there as the craziest man in my fake life, i don't see it as fake anymore , because it have also become my life itself now, more like the only life for me now which i am falling in love as days passes. . . .

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I hide my tears in my smile. . . :~)

Pic Source : Google
Life would be have been so cool if everything happens just in the way we wish. But natures rule is never like that and not a single person have any idea of whats in-stored for  him in future though he is trying hard to fulfill his dreams. I am no super human and all these applies to me also, the only difference is that i have gone through even more weird situations where the destiny have turned myself down twice. . .

Pic Source : Google
Life is pretty hard to live if we have already forgotten how to make it through, since you have lost the love for living it. Its like living in a world, where even minute things matters to others a lot, we will be hardly noticing how our life itself is skipping away from our hands. And the weirdest part of it is that, people who hardly know about what we are going through will simply pass on advises and comments in a humiliating manner too sometimes that we don't even wish to talk with them again. I never carry hatred for any person who have hurted in my life, instead i will simply forget them in such a way that they will slowly fade even from my memories. Its actually a bless in having a memory loss in situations like this that, we don't have to try hard for that also. But certain things which we have valued more than our life itself will stay in our memories regardless of time and its like it would have become a part of our virtual world itself. . . the most painful ones.
Pic Source : Google
A smile which is so naturally and has to happen from inside is what i have been missing these days and still i am managing myself to push through the pace of life though occasionally i feel a lot more down. Its like falling from the cliff of a mountain and there is nothing to support us and nevertheless i wish for it too. The lost of love for my life have made me in to something  or a different person itself which i hardly understand these days. Its not a new thing for me since i have been going through such a scenario for past few years that, living a fake life is not a big thing for me. But when life itself starts playing with our emotions by magically bringing so many persons close to us, make us feel rich with their love and suddenly make them disappear from our life one day, its makes us feel like our destiny is already written and things like this happens repeatedly only to remind us that we have to accept all these pains. . .
Pic Source : Google



It may seems like my arrogant nature or firm decision that i never wish to bring anyone down with my way of approach by sharing my situation of life, but instead i wish to make everyone happy and its the least thing i can do. Ever since my school days and then in to college days i have been known among my buddies as the person who is able to change the entire scene in to a laughter by my usual witty nature of talk. Things didn't change when i start working also after my studies and all these time, i have been so keen to be like the same though the situations in my life changed a lot. Its more or like i am able to hide myself inside with my way of talking and it helped me a lot from the numerous questions which i would otherwise have to answer in time. It has more or less have become a routine itself that i started feeling good about doing things this way.


Pic Source : Google
It may be so surprising for those who knows least about me that behind all those witty way of talk and gestures which i made in time in teasing and pulling others leg for fun and all, there is a painful part of my heart, an unseen portion which is ardently wishing to hide itself from everyone so that no one notices its tears. This heart which have lost everything in its way of life and have only one thing to keep it alive. . by spreading smiles and laughter's and making himself assure that so many people are feeling happy by doing so. In this big world outside filled with hatred and broken promises and unexpected happenings, a lot may be finding so lonely and seeking a small portion of happiness, feeling so down of the current life they may be going through, i will be there to make them smile, to forget their tension atleast for the time being, be one among them, make them laugh and feel like they are not alone in this world and tell them that the world is not that much bad as they have seen it. . .
Pic Source : Google
May be that's why god have blessed me with that kinda dual persona in making me completely two different persons and isolating one from the other such that my sadness will never overshadow the people who trust me, who love me, who wants to be in touch with me and my only purpose is to make them feel rich with my love and care and make them happy and smile no matter where they belong, where they are from or how long will they stays in my life. But one thing is sure, i will never make them sad because of me, but instead i will tease them, poke them, make them smile, like their buddy, like a big brother and sometimes like a mischievous kid. . . Coz that's what i am made for, that's what my purpose is here. . .and that's the only thing i love to do now. For how long i don't know, but its helping me a lot in moving on with my life . And hence giving birth to the ultra crazy nature of mine through a totally different mask!!

i myself, Nocturnal Idiot  signing off to spread more crazy smiles. . . :~) 
Twitter ~ Nocturnal Idiot

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Im going back to where i belong. . . Solitude in this Virtual World!



Pic Source : Google
Life is a colorful journey of different happenings. . .a wonderful journey through which we get in touch with lot of things, peoples, places etc which altogether brings a lot of experience and the interesting thing is that every person will have a different story to share of their own. Its like if we take the life of every single person, it will be holding a script so strong that it can even override the plot of any movie. I don't know whether my life if told as a story is worth enough to share with all but its consisted of so many interesting events which have changed the course of my life itself in time.






Pic Source : Google

When someone comes in to our life and brings a lot of changes in it, no matter how much we resist, if the changes are in a very positive manner we will truly fall in love with it. And if the person themselves opens their heart and submit it fully in front of us after knowing everything about what we are going through, we really feel like our soul is rejuvenated. And that's how this angel came in to my life with lots of happiness surprises and love. . .




Pic Source : Google


Its told like Angels are true messengers of god sent to earth to convey their beautiful purpose of reassuring every single person on earth who is suffering from pain of losing their love and making them assure that there exist the very owns God love in a form which they could ever imagine. Yeah, in the form of a person itself who will shower us with immense love that we will feel like our life is not meaningless anymore. But there is a shifting point in everyone's life when so many unexpected things happens and the dream world we have weaved inside our heart doesn't seems to be real anymore and our life itself becomes upside down. Its that moment when we start to realize that our life is slowly slipping from our hands forever and there is nothing we can do about it.



Pic Source : Google

The Angel who came in to my life is more or less like a dream inside me now, but the memories of the moments we had together is so strong that i could feel her presence in each and everything i do. . the places we visited, the drives we enjoyed, endless chatting sessions, frequent phone calls, sweet text messages and even her sweet voice calling out my name is still living inside me in the same way like it was months before. But i have to realize that its over and there is nothing can be done as her life is not meant to be bounded with me anymore.



Pic Source : Google

All i can say now is to thank her for the beautiful moments she have gifted me and help me from the pain i was suffering because of loosing my first love and being as my medicine itself all these months taking care of me, being my support, helping me with everything, making me bold like you wished and even to change my overall appearance. Because of that only i am now standing here and still ok with the fact that you are not with me anymore. Now my life is going through a phase like i am happy with this Angel's presence in my life, but since now you are not with me, i don't know whether all these were just my dream or happened for real.




After all Angels are not meant to stay with humans forever na and hence i believe like when the purpose of your presence in my life is over, you too went back to where you belong. And i have no complaints about it and all i wish is too see you happy forever. . .



Pic Source : Google
The only hard truth remains is that i am back to where i belong earlier. . i am back to my little world. . back to the same solitude with even more painful feelings and memories than before. . . surrounded by a bunch of portraits in the virtual world i have created myself through social networking sites and mask myself from everyone and make the world feel like i am crazy guy who knows only to smile & make others too smile. . . :~)

Yeah, here begins the same life of me in a different form. . .
~ Nocturnal Idiot!

Friday, November 16, 2012

When dreams remained as dreams itself. . . but why?

Pic Source : Google
The feeling of love is so sweet that we create an entire world itself inside our mind and we used to often dream about living in it with just our soul-mate always. A sweet way of living in the virtual world itself. Its this wonderful feeling that pave the way for building their future and forms the very base of a strong relationship. But fate can be cruel sometimes in shattering this beautiful dreams down just like a tower made of play cards and the impact it gives to the very life of us can not be put in to words. Yeah, just like the intensity of love in a relationship is so deep, the pain also which we experience when a relationship faces a situation is unbearable.




Pic Source : Google
Every love relation starts with a promise made forever that, no matter what situation comes they will never part. But its too painful that broken promises are more as times passes and interestingly the very persons who were so close to such a level that they cant live even with out talking for an hour tends to change to such a situation that they wont even bother to care for each other and manage to live even without talking for days. It may sound ironic but its truth that the very relation which was made of trust and belief tends to get loosen by lack of commitment in time and also gets packed with a series of comforted lies. Yeah, we know that peoples tends to change in time, but the most beautiful part of being in a true relationship itself is that they never seems to change. But what can we do if the fate itself had other plans for them?



Pic Source : Google
A relationship at the verge of breakage is the most painful part of love life the lovers have to go through and i really wish like no lovers should have the fate to go through such a situation. This short period but also possess a magical power of bringing relationship closer again because as days passes each pair tends to realize what they are going to miss in their life. The infatuated mind which was filled by other thoughts of wealth, society status, career etc tends to disappear and he/she will shockingly realize the fact that the very person to whom they have even dedicated their life itself is going to slip away forever from their life for reasons/situations which we have considered so important but it wasn't worth enough too. Its true that the value of an eye is not appreciated when we have it, but only after loosing it. But love is not something which we should bring it to this level to make both of the partners realize that how much they depend on each other. The unique bond which exist between two soul-mates are invisible for others eyes but its strong enough to bring them closer no matter what situation come in time. 


Pic Source : Google
Pic Source : Google
The most painful part of a breakup is when one partner decide to move on leaving the other behind for reasons unclear for both of them and the other started feeling so alone left behind without any help. The one moving on would have reasons of their own and will be heading for a destination where people are waiting for them, while the one left behind have only a bunch of memories to hold on and feel forever all alone. The situation can be worse if the reason for breakup itself remains unknown. It can happen in a lot of relationship these days as each partner will have their own reason to define for acting that way and also there can be situations like one of the partner feels guilty of something they have done in past and feels like their current relationship cant be a perfect one because of the guiltiness feeling inside. But by doing so and moving away from a relationship what they are doing actually is that, not only they are leaving behind their trusted partner but they are actually spoiling their own life itself . Its told like a decision should never be taken in a confused situation, but the beauty and trust of a true relation implies the fact that no matter how confused they got in time, the feeling for partners and their mutual bond of love should never gets affected; which means a question of whether we should need this relationship or not should never arise.


Pic Source : Google


But in the modern age, its sad that decisions like these are controlled and over powered by the way a person is guided in that particular situation. If the very person involved have a confused state of mind, then things can become more complex and even a firm decision cant be taken and all he/she can do is simple avail more time and hoping that time will bring a better solution for their problem, which is just a no hope way of taking life. Because its true that time can bring changes in person, but if time can bring changes in relations too then how far worthy is that relation? Because the person  who is ready to leave their partner behind and look for a new life just because of relying on time, then what guarantee is there  that in future that the same fate can struck again in the new life too? 








Pic Source : Google
All this happens just because of a simple mistake that, lovers are not looking in to each others love life like earlier; the way they have come, the way they have given birth to their love, the way they have cherished each and every moment of being together. . the sweet moments they have spend enjoying as husband and wife. . the lovely life they have started living together. .the beautiful way of even telling about how their small baby is going to be.  Cherishing these memories for few moments itself can bring their hearts so close to each other that they will realize how much they are loving each other. The problems which stood like mountain in front of them will slowly melt away because now they have openly found it out what their heart is wishing to hold on all through the life. Nothing seems to be of much important than it, at that time and no one seems to be able to create any more impact over them too, for the very reason that they have finally heard what their own heart is desiring for, than anything in this world. . . .the closeness of their Soul-mate!!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

A day without talking to you is like a decade for me. . .

Pic Source - Google

 "Live your life like in a dream. . ." 
That's what people who are in love experience every single moment when they are spending a beautiful time with their soul-mate. It's a magical world in which at times they itself cant differentiate it from whether they are dreaming off or its real. But they least care about it  because, all they wish to have in that very moment is their most special one's presence close to their heart. To an extent its really like they are unaware of things happening around.


Pic Source - Google



For those people who have never fall in love before, i am not sure that, to how much extent they can understand this, and sometimes they may even feel it just like a fake world, packed with so called romantic moments which they have watched only in movies. And few people wont even hesitate to pass a comment that these people have gone weird and got isolated in to a virtual world. We cant blame them since every persons life would have been involved with meeting a number of different faces in time and each face would have gifted a vivid experience to them. And only if one among them have gifted them a unique feel which they have never experienced before, the so called Love can be understood by their heart. And so when comes to me yeah, as a person in love i too can understand the very depth of that feeling and how much special it is in our life.


Pic Source - Google
We know people in love always wishes to spend more and more time together and when they cant meet they used to spend long hours of talk on phone, chat etc. Its like no matter how much they talk, they never seems get bored and its only because of time or situation that they have to end their conversation for that day. Everyday is no different from it and they spend time talking about each and everything starting from even a small incident which happened that day while walking or having food or anything to very serious discussions of future, how to make the best of now to create a superb future for them so that they can really make their life like the way they have dreamed and all. So in short these conversations don't seems to have an end anytime and the most beautiful thing is that both of them feel so happy all the time. Actually if you too are a person in love you can simply understand the secret behind this phenomena, a simple truth that its not what they talk really matters, but what they give more importance or feels from heart is that they wish to hear their soul-mates voice all the time. . the most beautiful thing which makes them feel like blessed by the very almighty itself. . .a feeling of showering our heart with pure and unconditional love.
 
Pic Source - Google
Rather than telling it as a general note, I can relate it to my heart and feelings and put it  in my own words that, to how much extent i am experiencing all these beautiful feelings in my life ever since i have fallen in love with my Angel. The way she cares and loves me have a deep effect in me in such a way that her love is like a medicine itself for me now to go on. Its true that when a person showers unconditional love upon us in a very divine way, our soul priority in our life itself will become to bring everlasting happiness in their heart. Being in love is a truly divine and romantic feeling which have to be experienced and felt by heart itself, rather than trying to figure it out from a collection of words. Its like when you find your True Love in your life, you can feel it from your heart even with out any help and i am so happy that i have found mine. . 



Pic Source - Google
The love life is a mix-up of feelings and understanding each other and the long conversations in time will become a stage of expressing close romantic feelings as well as serious discussions which will end up in fight also sometimes. But the most interesting and  lovely part is that, each small fight will add only more sweetness in their love life as soon as they start talking again. And when comes to the life of me and my angel, we have always made sure that not a single fight should exceed one day and if possible will try to settle it in few hours itself. Its like we both cant sit without talking to each other. So what we do is that when ever a situation comes up we openly talk, express everything openly so that we don't have to suppress it inside and hence when a fight  is over that topic will never ever come again for discussion in future. Because from my friends itself i have seen situation where either one of the partner will suppress feeling inside thinking they shouldn't hurt the other and what happens in future is even more worse when all these feelings gets pile up and end up a very serious fight. So if i wish to provide my friends a small tip, its just that always be true in expressing your love towards your partner and share what you really feel about the situation rather than hiding it inside.



Pic Source - Google
But above all, there is one thing which is so clear and pure. . that people in true love cant sit without communicating for a long time. Because its like their hearts are bonded by a special feeling that it aches a million times when they sit alone. Like i said earlier, love is like a medicine itself which heals the pain of our heart, and those people who are in love can understand that, the most incredible pain they can have is when they cant communicate with their partner. . It can be as a result of a small fight they had and they purposely stopped contacting or it can be due to some particular situation that they cant contact.





Pic Source - Google
Yes, its truly a deep pain in our heart when we cant even talk with our soul-mate for a while. The reason for writing this post itself is that i am going through that very situation now. My angel have gone on a short visit to her relatives home for a work and its just that we couldn't contact like earlier due to the situation which persist there and our contact which have been hours of talking everyday have got limited to a single sms in a day and we both are feeling very sad of the situation. I am ardently wishing her to be back soon in my love life so that i can take care of her all the time. Its these small parting from her is making me realize that how much is she meant to me and seriously i am thinking how many hours i have wasted earlier for small fights with her and have hurt her simply for small things and all. And now my heart is so eagerly waiting for her to embrace her with all my love and promising a million times inside my heart that i wanna make her so happy, more than ever before. .

" It has been just few days since you are away from me. . but for me, with out you these days are like decades!! " ~ Renju


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Being in love is a heavenly feeling. . .

Pic Source - Google
I believe that there is no one in this world who have ever wished like, they don't need any kind of love in their life. There will be always a particular moment in their life when they would have wished to be in love with someone they felt so special and also to be loved in return. I don't know whether it can be called as a desire or destination but still it takes the form of something very important in their life that every person who has fallen in love experience it as the most beautiful portion of their life. Love is a magical feeling which is more expressive by the language of heart and the very presence of the lover itself and its purely beyond what words are able to describe them in time. Some say love is blind while some say its a divine feeling and there are even people who says that true love never exist and the only thing which last forever is self love. But what i have felt in my life is that the precious thing called love is so magical and a life changer itself that every person feels it and even lives in it in a unique way. Yes, love is different and special from person to person and so to realize how beautiful is this divine feeling, you have to feel it on your own by falling in love so truly from heart. . . .




Pic Source - Google
The beauty of love is that when you are going through it, you feel like every day is more special and lively than before and it brings so much happiness from deep inside you that you feel like being on top of the world. And the interesting part of love is that, the more you talk to others about how you feel being in love, you feel so happy and feels like smiling all the time. Because while reciting about all those sweet moments our mind will be filled with the sweet face of our beloved which is the most beautiful thing which has ever happened in our life. Now itself while creating this post my heart is filled with the cute face of my soul mate who have now become my everything in my life. The feeling and affection we have for them is so deep that we feel like doing anything to make them happy and make them feel heavenly all through our life because it's the best ever gift we can give them for the priceless love and care they are giving to us.


Pic Source - Google
Its true that our beloved is really a precious gift from god because we can realize how beautifully they have changed our life in a positive way, by giving us hopes, gifting us lots of sweet moments of affection, happiness, laughter, providing us the biggest support we have ever seen to help us face any tough situations and always being with us regardless of the phase of life we are going through and providing us maximum comfort. Its from that moment, we will love and treat them as messenger of god itself who have been sent to earth to take care of us. As day pass on, this belief becomes so firm that we start depending on each other to such an extent that we wont be able to live without each other and thus creating an invisible sweet bound of hearts which is so strong enough to withstand any situations in life. Never wonder why love is called divine because its guarded by god themselves and hence its nature too is like that.


Pic Source - Google
True love is so unconditional that we fall more and more deeply in love with our soul-mate as days pass on and our day today life itself becomes an interesting sweet journey. The things we have seen before, the places we have visited earlier, the songs we have enjoyed in time, everything seems to be more special when we do the same with our beloved. Its like we are enjoying a new life itself with them and we never wanna miss even a small portion of it for any reason. Yes, being in love is really a heavenly feeling which cant be put in to words and describe how it is. . it has to be felt from heart itself. . .an awesome feeling when both hearts beat as one. . .when one lives for the other and can never part from each other even for a moment. . .