My Strange love for Ornamental stuff

From the time of school days itself, i was little craze about ornamental stuff like rings, bracelets, chains etc but it was not vivid and so peculiar like now coz of the lack of availability or the interest and time we spent for getting stuff like that. It was during the college days, the most beautiful time in everyone's life; the time when dreams begin to flourish and everyone will be so cautious of their appearance, and me too who was no different became so much addictive of all these stuff.

When come to matter of wearing all these, my first taste always goes for bracelet and coz of that whenever i am about to buy a new bracelet, i spend the maximum time in deciding which one should i buy, though i hardly visit more than three shops for buying it. I select the one only, when i am fully satisfied with its variety and the appeal it gives while wearing it. And coz of that, I was a frequent visitor of a shop named Fashion House which was located in town at that time, having a great collection of fancy ornaments. Now a days it is not at all a problem as we can get stuffs like this from almost any fancy shops. The habit of wearing bracelets and that too even on both hands have always invited trouble from seniors as a part of ragging, when i was doing my 1st year in college. Still it had never diminish the love i have for it and i used to be the same like always.

Among them there is a special one, which have been with me for quite a while; its a stainless steel bangle/bracelet  bought years back when i joined my engineering studies, to be precise in 2001. From the day i purchased to till today, it have been my so favorite piece that i always wore it in my hand and i never have to remove it, unless any of my friends  wish to have a closer look at it by trying it in their own hand itself. Being stainless steel and having unique mold thickness this bracelet is so rigid and i feel very comfort while wearing it; a kinda strong feeling. But unfortunately it is currently unavailable in market and the one we can get now is little slim than this and of no interest to me. Actually i had one more piece of the same bracelet earlier, but it was once borrowed by one of my friend and was never returned. It was told by him that he lost it in a party and apologized for it. I was not sad that time, but now i really wish like i should not have let him loose my stuff like this, since the one i am wearing now has became my favorite piece and so it would have been really nice, if i had that lost piece of the pair too. By wearing this for more than 9 years i have even developed a lot of sentimental attachments over it which may feels strange.


It was on a birthday 4 years back that my sister gifted me a golden bracelet. I was really happy to receive it, but the condition she put forward was that to remove my favorite one and then wear this golden bracelet. She was concerned about the wear that can occur if the golden bracelet was worn along with the stainless steel one. But for me it was purely unacceptable as the favorite one was like my companion itself. But she too was not willing to allow me wearing together. To avoid further issue, i returned the golden bracelet to her and told i will get it from her to wear on any special occasion only following her condition; though it never happened as i purposely avoided as i cant let go of my favorite one. After a period of more than an year or so, my sister too realized how much i am attached to my favorite bracelet and so i am never gonna wear the golden bracelet she gifted me , if the situation continues. So she gave the golden bracelet back to me and asked me to wear it according to my wish.

From then i have been wearing this together ie Stainless steel and golden bracelet. When ever i purchase new bracelet too in time, i used to wear it along with my favorite one.I didnt care for the wear it may cause to the golden bracelet, coz for a matter of fact i am more concern about my favourite bracelet only....



The one which have been with me all these years as a silent companion....
The one which has been with me in my good and bad times....
The one who has seen the pain i have come through all these years....
The one who has also stayed for a while in the hand of my lost love....

I cry more at night than sleep....

Years back, me too was like any other normal person....living tension free....enjoying every funny moment of life....hoping for a bright future....and above all that, thanking god for the most precious gift he has given me, my Love and the dreams of having a life with her and everything like that...i used to dream....i used to live in it....with small small hopes....small small fights.... without knowing my life was gonna shattered in to pieces after sometime....

Its been years since i have even slept well. Every night starts with thoughts of her more closely than in a day and the sweet memories of the moments we have spent together, right from the very instant i saw her for the first time, up to the painful moment she parted away from my life....

those seven years which makes the most beautiful moments in my life....

those sweet memories on which i am still living....

Those memories fills me with her nearness and i have a feeling like talking with her, sharing every happenings of the day....

every fun i came across and want to tell her....

every new stuff i saw and wished to buy for her....

every new places i visited, were i wished to have her too as my company....

every long rides i take, on which i missed her closeness....

every good news for which i wish, she should be the first person to hear from me and

every sad situations i had to face in which, i really longed for her to be by my side as support forever....

But when i am back from thoughts, i realize that i am all alone, in a closed room with my love no longer near me....and everything seems to fade away before my eyes....and a feeling of vacuum pierce my heart....with deep pain inside i close my eyes....failing to stop the tears flowing down my cheek....and i become more and more weak....slowly loosing my energy....i feel like dying....and i really wish like i die....

With closed eyes and paining neck coz of crying hard ,i wholeheartedly wish her to be around me, and console me with her presence and makes me feel that she is always with me....coz i know she too cant see me crying....

Missing her very badly....

In every moment of my life....

And sure the night would have gone and i forget to sleep like always....

PS: Only a few friends know about my state of mind and what i am going through now and how every single night of my life are getting equipped that, they may even misunderstand me for not responding to them if ever they happen to contact me or wish to have message/chat with me that time....still i wish to be alone only....in thoughts of her in my own world....

Its really nice to see a familiar face after years...

There may be a lot of persons whom we meet,  in our day to day life. Some of them may be related to us, in just a small part of our life and goes on, while some remain in our life forever. But the large portion ie the people who may be present in our life only for a short period, which includes persons of every stage of life we meet daily, especially in our childhood days or schools days can really influence the feelings we have for them.

                              Today, when i was returning from office, i reminded myself not to forget, to get food parceled for my doggie, since i dont want him to skip food just coz there was no meat. Though he used to adjust to do so with out meat, his sad face shows his feelings, which make me also sad. So i try to avoid that situation all the time by buying it in prior. When i was waiting to get the parcel, a person who was so familiar to me just enter the hotel and ordered for a parcel.  Back in to my school days it was none other than a person who has been working in my school, Murukettan. This 6'5" person has been a hero for among the students coz of the height he possessed.

    His sight drag me to the memories of school days.... the pleasant time of my life like everyone....When i am back from thoughts, i called by his name, Murukettan and introduced myself to him. He was really happy to talk with me and apologized that he couldn't recognize me at first. I consoled him that i have been studying right from 1st std to tenth std and i will be so small and it has been years back that, he could never recollect my face. I inquired about the instructors who have taught me, and how many of them are now in school and he was really happy to share all those information with me. He couldn't stop laughing when i added that he were the only highest person that time in school and he was our hero since we students were all small that time. The more he talked about school the more happy i was, cherishing my memories.

                                   After having a little more chit chat about the current happenings in school, just before leaving  he invited me whole heartedly to school and i am really happy to hear it.... felt it really as a  true welcome....and i am thinking of  visiting my school one day....

To cherish all those sweet memories again....

Feel My Heart - My Song Published!!!!

Its said like everyone will have some song of their own, which will be playing inside their heart all the time and for me its nothing other than my own composed song "Feel My Heart", which clearly explains the feelings i am going through now....as far as concerned its my blog name itself, which tells how much i am related to my lost love in every way....every moment....purely a dedication to my Lost Love....

 " Feel My Heart " is not a song which originated coz of days effort, but truly speaking, the whole song was created including the lyrics written by myself suiting to the music was all done in a matter of just 3 hours; a creation done overnight. To tell about the music it was adopted from an online game which i have been playing for about a month or so, whose background music and beats i loved a lot. Since i dont have my mic working properly for recording, its my smartphone which i used to record my voice and at the same time playing the music in computer, so that the phone picked both of them and hence got the song as the result. But it had affected the quality a lot and i didnt bother about it much since it was purely made for just my fantasy only that time.

Its been quite a while, to say precisely months itself, since i have been planning to publish my song on youtube, but couldnt make it appealing since the raw song i have in hand was recorded using a mobile and was not clear and also was little confused to put it directly or otherwise and moreover i was little hesitant to publish, since its me who sang it and i know very well how my voice sounds in it. But after settling down all these confusions and postprocesing the video for embedding the lyrics inside the video," Feel My Heart " was published on my Youtube channel ' RenjithB ' on 24th June 2010.

PS: Before playing the video, Switch off the background music of the blog using the controls located at the bottom of this page.

Video Link : Feel My Heart - Renju ( Dedicated to my Lost Love)

  

The video info on youtube channel clearly explains everything i wish to say here....

Hello Guys. Im here to share one of my crazy creation- A song!!!
This song is sung, all by myself with lyrics too written with my feelings inside, of my lost love, a way of expressing how much i miss her even now.... Music is my passion & and in time there are some which touches our heart. After playing an online game for about more than a month, i started loving the background music of it, especially the beats within it & u know what happened next? Coupled with the feelings of my lost love, i wrote the lyrics to suit this music & i tried singing it all by myself.. I know its not that much good since the voice was recorded using a mobile only with music from computer speakers along with & moreover my voice too, i know its not meant for a singer :)
Still i love this song a lot.. A way of opening my heart....a way of expressing my heart to my baby....my love...
Thanks for hearing...your comments are welcome...
Hope i didnt waste your time & bored you...
Take care...
Rgds,
Renju

Singer - Renjith;
Lyrics - Renjith;
Music - Courtesy to an online game for the background music;

PS : The very positive result which added to my happiness is that my video got more than 200 hits in youtube within just 2 days of publishing...i wish to thank all the viewers especially my friends who spend their time in viewing my video.

There is nothing more happiness, than in making a friend smile!!!

                   " Everyone is blessed with friends and only a few lucky ones will have very close friends in all stages of their life "

Its an SMS which i came across in my smartphone, few days ago. Yeah ,its true. And the most valuable part of it, is the funny time we spend with friends which is really nice and that too when he/she is going through a very beautiful time of their life. 

                          Today i paid a visit to my friend's house. I should not mention her just as a friend, but my best friend, i have in my entire life. She was my colleague, got married an year before, well settled in my hometown itself, and the most sweet thing is that she is now carrying baby of six months inside, and enjoying this beautiful moment of her life with every fun she can get engaged with. Whenever i used to go and meet her, its a habit that i used to purchase chocolates and some eatables which she is fond of, mostly masala kadala, kurkure etc. This time along with these eatables and the usual Dairy milk chocolate, i simply bought a Kinder Joy too; thought like, it would bring some surprise to her..and sure it has..

                           It was around evening when i reached her home, and as usual she was engaged with her PC, checking social networking sites, browsing funny cat videos and also playing online games which she is fond of very much. Earlier it was like she used to click every link or advertisement of funny cursors or smileys which she found attractive and always end-up with her PC getting affected with malware and i have to go there and fix it up alright. Huh, seems like she is now able to recognize them as malwares now and so less situations like that. As our usual chat proceeded for a long time, since i have been meeting her after a week , it was after little time only i realized that, i have bought things for her to eat.

              While giving  the eatables one by one to her, i deliberately showed the Kinder Joy only at last, since i want see her expression. She was really surprised to see it, since she havnt had a Kinder Joy earlier and thanked me even before opening it. When she opened it slowly, before having the chocolate in one portion of it, we both were interested in which toy they may have included inside on the other portion and all these time i could see her face ,which was really like a kid opening her birthday present with immense excitement which i really loved a lot. And to say true i still feel her as my little friend who is just 5 years old...though she is 3 years more than me itself age wise....The toy included was a typical pieces of star fish like thing which can be joined and hanged and i could see her laughing and having fun with it for few minutes....Her smile is something which made me so happy that day and i am satisfied that i could bring smile in her face during this time of her pregnancy which is really good for her health.

Yes, for seeing this beautiful smile only which is really a gift, i hardly want to miss, i present her chocolates every time we meet....

PS: Just like shown in the advertisement, Kinder Joy is able to present the excitement and fun to the people who  buy it; which reveals their success  and more than that, remaining still in market as a very unique product!!

Lost in thoughts....

I may be faking out my real life, but its true that, its the memories of my lost love which keeps my life going on and it happens with me most of the times, that i get fully involved with memories of her, to such an extent that, i just cant think of anything going around. I just keep myself away from all the social networking or messaging or even any interaction with the outside world  just to leave me alone with thoughts of her. The only exception here is that i am blogging all this now the very moment....coz don't know why, i feel like talking with her itself while doing so....

                 It has been years since i have even heard her voice, but still i can feel that voice very lively inside me, making me feel her togetherness, her presence in everything i do; right from the beginning of the day when she used to wish me and wake up, being with me all through the day sharing all the fun and sadness, till the end of the day when she used to wish me a sweet sleep and sure i slept in thoughts of her....

             There are days when i badly wish to meet her, hear her voice, spent few moments with her, make my life meaningful....a hopeless dream as of concerned now....since all decisions of parting were taken by me only and not her in the end, and it is the biggest mistake i have done in my life. Still i feel like it have helped her to live, on her own and succeed in life and also to her family as i am no longer their problem. But leaving me  back, with deep pain inside the heart, with the memories of the sweet moments we had spent in those 7 years of love as my only companion now. Still i know that its nothing more than the pain i have caused her bcoz of our parting...i dont know how to apologize....

Yes, i am lost in thoughts of her....missing her very badly more and more as time pass on....still i believe like one day she will be mine....before i leave this lonely world....

My eyes are wet while typing all these, and also the days when i miss her so badly....even then i love these days more than anything..just bcoz she still lives inside me....as my soul itself....

PS: The lyrics of the song "Stay" from "Sash" really express what i feel every moment

   

" I had a dream last night
You were there
You held my hand so tight
I thought I'd just die
Do you remember?
When we use to have
So much fun
I used to cry sometimes
Those days are gone
Did you remember? "



 
  PS: Before playing the video, Switch off the background music of the blog using the controls located at the bottom of this page.

Video Link : Sash - Stay

Its been quite a gap now..

It has been a month since i have logged in to blogger to post anything new..a month full of experiences... Moments... Situations.... May be coz of that, i hardly find any time to post. But i was using all of my social networking sites and everything else for sure during this time but in a hast. Its definitely not the lose of love for blogging, but its like , i got that much engaged with the situations going through my family that i couldn't have a peaceful mind to open and Feel my heart... Now also the situation has only slightly changed, but even then i hope like, i can be back to blogging and share my moments here the soon....coz i know its my only company while being alone....